Monday, March 19, 2012


So I write reviews of stuff for this other site, and that site is giving away some awards to its contributors. This is called the Dark Matter Awards. It's publicly voted upon, so you decide who wins. And I want you to make me win the four categories I am nominated in.

The first award you'll see me nominated for is "Best Text Review". I wrote a review for one of the greatest films of all time, a glorious testament to the greatness of humanity called Conan the Barbarian. It is a glowing review, and a well deserved one. There are two articles competing against my glowing monument to the awesomeness of the movie that made Arnold Schwarzenegger a star. This review, a negative review of Highlander 2:The Quickening by the site owner, meaning it's low hanging fruit and, if Bill wins the award, it'll look bad. The other article that could win "Best Text Review" is Shadow's review of the Orphanage. Shadow is a skilled wordsmith, but he never shows his face. To paraphrase J Jonah Jameson, what's he hiding? He's a menace! Thus, you should vote for me to win this award.

The second award that I was nominated for was the "Best Music Review". The one that got the nomination was the Most "2011" Songs of 2011, which was first posted on this very blog. This is a somewhat experimental review of society itself, using the music we listen to. It's also a review of five songs. The other two are this "worst of 2011" article and this one about the band Los Campesinos. You may notice that both of these are written by the same guy, the Re-Animator. In other words, I'm the underdog here. Vote for the underdog! Make this award show the feel-good story of the year!

I'm also nominated for the "Best Fantasy Review". I was nominated for my review of Demon Knights issues 1-3, which also was first posted here. My competition includes a video of Highlander: Endgame by Daniel Pizarro. Not only is it unfair to have a video against text, Mr. Pizarro doesn't like the movie, meaning that he's wrong. The other nominee is a review of a TV pilot by the Re-Animator. I reviewed three issues of a comic series, and he reviewed a single TV episode. You could say quantity is not as important as quality, but that's just, like, your opinion, eh? So, uh, vote for me.

The other award I'm nominated for is "Best International Reviewer" or "Best Reviewer From Outside the USA." I'm pretty sure the three blokes I'm up against are Americans who are putting on accents, so I should win by default. So, vote for me, just in case Daniel Pizarro, Shock Suspect and Eschbaal aren't disqualified for their obvious cheating.

Also, you should probably vote in the categories I'm not nominated in too. I definitely think that all of my colleagues on that site are awesome and talented and pretty people. You can vote for the Dark Matter Awards by clicking this link and e-mailing the e-mail address near the top. You can vote up until March 31, so make sure to do so to help a brother out, eh?


  1. Note that in the categories Ben's nominated in, no one is the underdog and no one's cheating, eh?